You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
