i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
