remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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