YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
