she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
