Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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