it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
