i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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