Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
