I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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