I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everclear isn't food dammit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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