9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
