First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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