So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
