I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
