Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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