I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
