the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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