You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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