let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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