I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Boobs speak an international language.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
