Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
