He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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