could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
