It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This baby is an asshole
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
