Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
