I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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