I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
