I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sober January is a disaster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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