Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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