Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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