I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
