he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
