he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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