Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
