Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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