Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
