I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
