3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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