Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
