1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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