I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
