He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
