I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
