Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
