So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
