I want to have your abortion
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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