I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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