I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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