he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
