There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
